Another year, another spin around the sun, and here I am, turning 34! And as I do every year since turning 27, I write.

This year, my thoughts circle back to a post by Tim Urban that breaks down how little time we often have left with our closest people once we leave home in a “Wait But Why” article: “the tail end.” Coincidentally, the writer was also 34 when he penned that piece, making its insights particularly resonant for me.

Distance and the Days That Slip

My thoughts on the tail end have been especially vivid lately, largely due to the shifting landscapes of my closest relationships. Two years ago, my younger sister, Radeke, relocated. For years, we saw each other two or three times a week. Now? I haven’t seen her in almost two years. Two years! That’s hundreds of days of shared laughter, casual gist, surprise visits—gone. It’s a similar story with my brother, Radeyo, who moved away 11 years ago. While we’ve found new rhythms, it’s undeniable that the casual, everyday interactions are fewer and farther between. In contrast, my older sister, Rolayo, lives just 15 minutes away. I see her more than anyone else in my family. I’ve watched my niece and nephew grow in real time, school runs, birthdays, and Saturday hangouts.

I’m celebrating this very birthday with two of my closest friends, Ayobami, who relocated three years ago and Bukky, with whom I travelled from Nigeria. Being here with Ayobami fills my heart, but it’s also a reminder: if we don’t live in the same place again, this could be one of our few “tail-end” visits. It makes me want to squeeze every drop of connection from our time together. In contrast with Bukky, with whom our shared proximity and constant activities together have kept our bond incredibly strong, a testament to how being physically present truly helps nurture those connections.

Chasing Experiences: From World Cups to Family Trips

Speaking of finite opportunities, I’ve never been to a World Cup event. They come every four years. If I’m lucky and everything aligns, I may have the chance to attend three to five in my lifetime. That’s not a lot. (I’m not a football fan, so that probably reduces the chance)

But yeah, I’m thinking about things I’ve always wanted to do. And how many real opportunities do I have left to do them?

Still On My List: A Trip With Mum
The only family member I haven’t taken a trip with is my amazing mum. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for ages, and seeing how quickly time flies and how relationships can change with distance, it’s something I genuinely hope to make happen very, very soon. Cherishing these moments, especially with those who nurtured us, feels incredibly important.

Maximizing Moments: The Little Things and the Big Decisions

I’ve come to believe that time is love’s language.

That’s why long-distance romance no longer appeals to me. I want someone I can cook for on a random Tuesday. Someone I can say “come over” to and they’re knocking before the soup finishes simmering. I want to share days, not just texts.

More meals, more laughter, more unplanned moments, that’s how you build something real.

A Word on Soup

And speaking of meals, here’s a fun truth about me:

• I make Ofada soup at least once a month
  
• I cook Seafood Okro about every two months
  

It’s not just about taste. It’s comfort. It’s joy.

If I keep this up for another 50 years, here’s what I’m looking at:

That’s both comforting and slightly terrifying.

Looking Forward

Turning 34 feels like standing at a quiet but powerful crossroads. Enough past to reflect on, enough future to shape.

The Wait But Why article offers three insights I fully agree with:

1. Living in the same place as the people you love matters.
   I probably have 10x the time left with people in my city than with those far away. That’s why my niece and nephew know me better than my brother’s kids. It’s not about love, it’s about location.
   
2. Priorities matter.
   The people you see most aren’t always the people you love most; they’re the people you prioritize. I’m learning to build relationships with people I can “do life” with, run errands, cook, and sit in silence. My best relationships are built on that kind of togetherness.
   
3. Quality time matters.
   If you’re in your last 10% of time with someone, treasure it. Take that girl trip. Plan that family holiday. Especially the one with mum.
   

So Here’s to 34

To being more intentional.
To deepening connections.
To living closer to love, not just longing for it.
To bucket lists that become memories.
To ofada soup, girl trips, and mid-week hugs.
To less waiting. And more doing.

Happy birthday to me.

And here’s to many more meaningful moments ahead.